she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
