She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
