3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
