this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
