Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
