yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
