im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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