Sponge bath it is.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
