I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
