and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
