i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
