I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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