Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
