i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
