we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
