I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Found your dick twin last night
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
