You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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