Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
two words...techno handjob
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
