he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
