i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
