Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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