I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
