but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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