I will die if light touches me.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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