He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
