how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
