Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
there was a trapeze. enough said
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
