I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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