mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
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