i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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