oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
