I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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