the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
