I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
your room smells of hookers.
And success
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
