He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
