dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
