im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
