I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The adults are the big ones right?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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