The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
