Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
