The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You took a bar mat shot.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
