Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
