I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
