just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
