i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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