the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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