I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
