I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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