I didn't shave. On purpose
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
