The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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